Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Botkin Girls Tell Us Boys are Complicated

See this post for context:
10 Years Later The Botkin Sisters Remain Unmarried: The Failure of the SAHD Movement

 It's sad seeing these stunted 30 somethings who have never dated or married telling us that men and relationships are complicated. Their talk is vague. There is nothing wrong with never marrying and being single but in a world where the Dominionists and others consider women only worthwhile if they have married or had children, everything is focused on that, even if you are like these two, and never have gone out into the world to do service for the Lord or work in a career.

Why are they still focused on "relationships?" instead of living the best single life, they can have? Why are they still giving advice that has failed? Beyond the issues, that their Daddy never let them grow up or obtain their own adult lives, their focus in life seems to be remaining bitter "Spinsters". Remember how I wrote I thought myself an old maid and I did not marry until 29 in the other Botkin article linked above. I have health and other problems impacting my dating.

Before I met my husband via a newspaper single ad, I had decided that if I did not meet someone to marry, I was going to focus on life as a single person instead of beating myself up over my "failure" to couple up. In my case back in those days, I was a teacher, so I had a life of "my own". Why isn't that taught to young Christian women? Where one can find and have a single life if that is what happens?

I was not yet a Christian but there's a lot of harm being done to young women where they are told they are "worthless" or "failures" for not marrying or having children. This is related to the point that now there seems to be no place in the churches for people with no families and that applies to me with no family of origin in my life outside a few cousins who live hundreds of miles away and no children of my own. To me, this video is extremely sad, these two have been so indoctrinated that their only worth rests in their relationship to men, that they are now doing videos in their early 30s, about how "relationships with men are complicated" and they have never had one.

Their advice definitely has not worked for them. Their constant "guarding of their hearts", sheltering, and rigid rules in relating to men, has helped to forever ensure their single status. They are afraid of men watching this video and see them in a stereotypical "gendered" fashion. Maybe they are making a reference to popular vampire shows, when they draw one man with fangs, but it says something to me about how they view men. The reference to parents giving spiritual guidance of course is the lie of the patriarchy movement. How many fathers "approve" the men their daughters marry?

The idealized visions in that world of family life and relationships are doomed for failure. When they draw a woman wearing a burka, don't they realize they are being told to live culturally like Taliban women? There is denial too, of love and sexual attraction for idealized pure and platonic relationships. If all attraction is squashed, how would anyone end up married unless one switches to a system of arranged marriage? At least the Orthodox Jews with all their rules arrange marriages, these women have been raised in a false system that almost ensures their unmarried status.

I believe the SAHD movement will die out just based on the fact many women will end up like the Botkin sisters. Mr. Duggar informally started arranging his daughters marriages. In this case their father must have never wanted them to marry and they kept obeying instead of growing up and getting their own lives, and we see the results first hand. It's sad to see them still trying to sell advice that has massively failed in their own lives.

 1 Cor 7:7-8 For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.


Debra said...

We all have individual choices to listen and obey the Lord. These girls are not victims of a cult type movement. God's Holy Spirit speaks to His children. If these girls are born again they have a choice to listen and follow the leading of God's voice. If they are not, then the consequences are their own. Just like the Israelites with the golden calf, let us make an altar and sacrifice to God but then let's dance around our golden calf for fun. I'm sure these girls are not out there dancing around a calf but the analogy is if we are not following our Shepherd then we are following the voice of another...whatever that may be. Denominations were invented by man, the word of God holds true. It is man that adds and alters God's word for his own benefit.

The LORD is my Shepherd, I shall NOT want... said...


It seems they are trying to justify their marital status. Yet it isn't an issue. Obedience to God's WORD is more important. In the end it will not be whether we were married or not. Jesus told the Pharisees that in heaven there is no marriage.

Let these ladies purpose to live according to the precepts of God and they will have life eternal.

Bible Believer said...

I agree, I fear they are obeying their earthly biological father more then God. There's times when one needs to obey God's commands for their life over one's parents. They have not been allowed to grow up and are facing the same stunted life as many of the Duggar adult children. Sure they avoided the trappings of this world with lust and fornication and out of wedlock liasons, but they are in another sort of trap. I figure they are at the age, where they need to accept singlehood if that is God's Will and plan life accordingly, but because of the edicts of their false legalistic religiosity everything was based upon "how well they married" like this was a modern story of Pride and Prejudice but this time the men stayed away. I think with The Lord is my Shepherd, they are busy trying to justify why they are not married as well. They are in shock, and upset, and disappointed. Someone needs to tell them, that there are many people who never marry and yes obedience to God's Word is the most important. They need to be free of the burden they are under for not fulfilling some false life ideal they were handed. It troubles me how singles are devalued in many "Christian" churches and organizations, these women are feeling it. They were promoted as these Quiverful princesses. I am actually surprised the shame, blame and devaluement of their single status among their family and it's networks, have not led them into a questioning phase as to why their life has gone the path it has. It kind of surprises me when people don't think through these things. I dare say it will come after their father dies or they are middle aged. Right now they are still under his influence, and that doesn't seem to be changing.