Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Singles Need Not Apply in Churches

Singles in the Churches: "Rejection is a Deep Wound"

Check out the comments on this one. Family idolatry has only worsened in the apostate church system. If you don't fit the cookie cutter models, you are not wanted. This influenced me being childless. Many single people especially over a certain age fare far worse. In some ways this is good in that these people will be spared a closer tie to apostate churches, hopefully some will find ways to serve and fellowship outside the bricks and mortars. It's a shame really, given some of the apostles were single and 1 Corinthians 7:7.


Anonymous said...

I read this link you gave and I think it is so unbiblical how singles and the childless are treated in churches.. I'm childless and I sensed that right away in some churches I checked out..It seems under the new covenant, Jesus said we were one family,not separate families..

Bible Believer said...

It is so unbiblical. I think about that church I just left, there was NOT one single over 30 or childless woman over 25 in that entire place and that was out of 120 people. There is something seriously wrong with that. I felt like I was a non person for having no family of origin in my life nor my own "family" [childless] even though I was married. The singles get it far worse. I remember in the Catholic church and even in my one IFB, they would line up the pregnant mothers and clap for them.

Anonymous said...

A singles Sunday school class is a form of segregation, think about it. - Don

Anonymous said...

Churches also segregate spouses from each other, such as Men's Bible Study, Women's Bible study. I can't see that happening in the New Testament Church where everyone fellowshipped together in songs, hymns, prayer and study. Now it is all controlled even in homes and you must follow the outline of the pastor's message rather than be led of God's Holy Spirit. I was single till I was 35. They had a single's group of about 100 in the church I went to. But it was so like the world. I decided to opt out but the Lord told me to go back and do a food drive for a downtown homeless shelter. I invited three single groups from three different churches. We had lots and lots of food donated including some who donated from the church. This is when I met my husband and not before. Never had children either.

Anonymous said...

Hi Bible believer,

This attitude in some churches of marginalising singles, childless couples and the elderly is so far from the way Jesus treated those whom society and the religious leaders of his day rejected.

Jesus welcomed outcasts, showed loving kindness to the poor, the despised, the rejected and the marginalised. Followers of Jesus are meant to be community of disciples who show compassion, tender mercy and loving kindness. His followers are meant to demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit in their deeds and words, life and lifestyle and in their relationship with others. They are not meant to isolate, shun and demean them. Looking down on others was not an attribute of Jesus nor is it a fruit of the Spirit.

God is not present where loving kindness is not found. He is not present where others are not made welcome but rejected because of their singleness or their age. Jesus needs to be brought into such churches. Where this demeaning and abusive behavior is found, Jesus is absent.


John Arthur

Anonymous said...

It may be a blessing to be childless - it is harder to raise and train children to be godly with mass media and wickedness increasing. Also, with forced vaccinations and poisons - created by design-- more and more children are becoming sick , damaged and autistic. My 15 year old son is autistic and he is very aggressive, and has been violent. I have tried everything- moved to a different state with safer public schools, quit my job, moved to the middle of nowhere (so he would not get in trouble with neighbors) etc... it feels like everything I do-- all the organic food from scratch, the therapy dog, the supplements, meds, behavior plans, love, audio bible, going fishing-- it seems to all be in vain. -- the dirty exasperated looks from strangers, the bogus investigations and accusations with Child Protective Services, the exhausting tantrums. This will only get worse and is an epidemic- it is not from lazy, selfish parenting or a lack of love, effort and sacrifice. Be glad you do not have children. If I had it to do all over again I would have never married and never had children. I would trade places with you.

Bible Believer said...

Singles, over 55 group, over 60s etc, all segregation. It's like classrooms in public schools supposedly you are only allowed to talk to people in your peer group. The bible speaks of older men and women sharing wisdom with younger ones.

Yes spouses get seperated too. More control for the pastors? It's true everyone fellowshiped together. Society has split off young and old too come to think of it. I never meet any people younger then me. Isn't that weird? I have only one friend younger then me I met on line in her 20s.

Sorry your singles group was like the world but glad you helped the homeless. Too many people are being marginalized and here's the sad thing the family people with their children, and more, are the least lonely and in need, they have their families, their careers and fully integrated into society, so the people in most of need of fellowship in churches aren't getting it. A lot of the churches praise the same "busy-busy" life style stuff too and even preach on it. I got so woefully tired of hearing about "busy" mothers with full bank accounts and social schedules, I was ready to hurl.

Yes Jesus loved those who were poor and outcast. People who were outsiders and hated by the world were loved by him. He did not look at clothing or status but preached to give the highest seat at the banquet to the most poor person there.

Real Christian fellowship was love, caring, comfort and being real not hiding problems or dismissing anyone with them. Reaching out to ALL people. I agree if loving kindness is not there, God is not.

Who wants to go to a place where you watch a guy speak on a stage, give some money and then leave and never see hide or hair of them in the rest of your life. At that point you are just one of the audience, and that's todays churches.

Thank you John Arthur.

Bible Believer said...

Anon I have had that thought about being childless. We were so poor and I so ill and having such a hard time supporting and feeding ourselves and barely doing it, it may have been a blessing in disguise. I knew what was child-rearing too because of my time as a family teacher [house parent] in a residential home when I was young and work in child care. I knew what changing diapers and in my case, teaching and trying to help very troubled youth meant. It wasnt to be entered into lightly. I was mostly infertile but doctors told me pregnancy was dangerous as well.

It seems a lot of children are being born very sick and damaged and extreme austim too not just the higher functioning Aspergers which can bring talents although poor ability to read social cues. So I agree with you. I know families like yours are being abandoned and not given many resources and judged. So sorry for what you are going through :( :(

Is there a possiblity of putting your son in a group home? They may be able to help him more. I am NOT against parents seeking other helps, there have been parents of violent autistics driven to deep despair and some of those cases have gone national. I always wonder why there is no help out there or so little. One thing I believe is ABA and some other behavior modification programs on autistics can actually worsen the violence especially in teens. This I believe was part of the problem in the Kelli Stapleton case, and the mother there had some personality disorders too from what I could tell from her blog, and she was too intent on turning her autistic daughter into a neurotypical. Her husband never should have left her daughter home alone with her to beat her up and give her a concussion and knock her out with brain damage the next day. This does not excuse what she did at all but I would have rather she gave her child up to the state then being driven to such horrific things. I do not think it makes a parent a failure for seeking outside helps. State institutions are not what they used to be. Many places have group homes for autistics where there can be some experienced support within the household and more help in more independent living.

I think some parents can do everything they can, but the problem is bigger then they are. Severe autism can be a terrible thing. God would not condemn them for seeking other help.

It does sound like you have tried everything and made many sacrifices. I will pray for you. I understand you telling me that you wished you never had children. I don't judge you for it at all. I have worked in special ed in my past as a sub teacher and seen and dealt with severely autistic children, developmentally delayed and more. So I have seen first hand some of these things.

I may have been spared many things not having children. I have such severe physical disorders that I may have spared someone else a lot of pain too on that end.

I will pray for you that you can get more help and that you are safe from the violent outbursts of your son.


Anonymous said...


I would say that at my church we have separate groups as well, (womens group, mens group now, youth group. I always was under the impression (with the exception of very small churches) that this was the norm.

Regarding singleness, there are a lot of singles over 30 and under at my church and I have yet to hear anyone complain about feeling isolated. We have single pastors too and assistants too. But they do have a relationship ministry where they hold talks every week in relation to the love life which is open to all. I have been attending a couple of them and they have been very useful, however I feel that they act as if being single is not okay and is not a choice.

I spoke to someone one time and said that whether I choose to remain single or not, I do not believe that it is a big deal with God.

I am not overall fussy and her response was "Do you really believe that ~God wants that for you?". God said it is not good for man or woman to stay alone blah blah blah and then they assume that you have got issues and that is why you don't want a husband.

The way I stand, I have nothing against the opposite gender but I can do very well single serving God than being married. Being married is a sacrifice that I am not willing to take yet and then where are all the available men eh? the ones at my church act as if they are afraid of women and it seems with me that with every testimony to do with a couple getting together, the woman had to make the first move. Finding a person at age 39 especially if I restrict myself to my own ethnic group is like a gold mine. Most of the men out there outside my church have so many issues. They smoke, they drink and fornicate and live in arrested developemnt. As a woman trying to walk with Christ, I do not want my walk compromised.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad to have found out about this through my own personal experience. I stopped going to church 17 years ago and recently went back into the Catholic faith around 2013/2014 in my 40's. As a unmarried woman with no kids, it didn't seem very different then what I thought I remembered when I went to mass in my youth except...after I sought to complete my confirmation rite, I finally got a whiff of what the Catholic church is about. IDOLATRY is an understatement. It's just evil, pure and simple. All I wanted was to go to church and be at peace, but, instead I was harassed by people trying to recruit me into secular lay organizations to become a vowed religious. Apparently, Catholic doctrine states that the sacramental marriage is for only those who can produce children (as that is the one and only reason for marriage). And unmarried people who are not vowed religious are either deemed not serious about their faith or are a threat to married couples.

Let's see...what else? Oh yeah, I've seen the potential for inclusion of the word of faith gospel with the emphasis on "tithing" that is now coming into the Catholic church. Before, Catholics were supposed to give an offering accordingly; but, now, the leadership is attempting to acclimate us into giving up to 10% of gross income. They don't really care so much about people volunteering (as that is deemed appropriate roles for those in the sacramental vocation of service - Marriage and Holy Orders/Vowed Religious). So, when church leaders want volunteers in the parishes, they actually, want access to single people for continuing formation (aka...the Catholic version of discipling). It's really cultic all the way.

Since that time, I have taken a long break from mass attendance and am reading the bible on my own, praying my rosary at home, just praying and meditating on the holy bible. I'm used to reading the bible on my own as I have at one point in my youth been evangelized by evangelical protestants. Only reason, why I left the evangelicals is because of some of the same issues you've already discussed on your blog...apostasy in these megachurches and wannabees.

I hope others will continue to read your blog so that they maybe well informed about what is happening and not lose their faith. Too many people are mistaking church idolatry as the real church; and when they wake up from their dream and leave the "church", they chuck their Christian faith along with it. Please, please, don't do that...leave church idolatry behind but keep hanging onto to Jesus. God bless.

Bible Believer said...

I am glad your eyes have been opened about the Catholic church. I almost went back in after leaving the UU and then my eyes were opened when I was born again and I departed. I have a lot of articles exposing the Catholic church. I have left the entire church system as you will see when you read through the blog. You have an important message that people do not leave the Christian faith when they realize the church system is totally false. The Bible warns us of the false religious system that will take over the world. I even think of that ex-IFB pastor who became an atheist, I write about on occasion, he definitely is one who needed to separate "Church System" from whom Jesus really is.

I got married knowing I was infertile while in the UU so yes there would be priests who would have been against my marriage, you are right they are against marriage if you cannot have children. [They overlook this for oldsters and widowers who marry]

Be careful of the rosary too, there is idolatry to praying Hail Mary, and praying to a being that cannot hear us, the real Mary was human and cannot hear millions of prayers like God. I prayed plenty of rosaries in my time growing up Catholic.