For the Christian divorce should be resisted. This is obvious according to scripture. [Malachi 2:16]
I have been married for almost 20 years. My husband is my first and only husband.
In every marriage there will come hard times where you will be tested. Even if both spouses have stayed ever faithful, there can be other issues that crop up that will bring hardship, this can range from health problems, to infertility and to job loss. Young people should be given the facts about marriage, that it is not romance and flowers everyday but that hardship WILL come if you are together long enough.
My marriage has been tested, big time, I lost my health very young and he has faced health problems and job lay-offs. In fact due to our financial problems and his career being decimated after two job-lay-offs in an 18 month period, I had the world around eight years ago telling ME to divorce and that I was a fool to stay married to him.
There was a time where I did not know what to do. It was very difficult. We had even faced possibilities of our household collapsing when I was praying to God literally to bring us the means for food and to keep a roof over our heads. That's the real effects of the collapsing economy. My family did not support the marriage from the get-go because he was not wealthy, and because he was not Catholic. From his side, he was told to abandon me by relatives due to my failing health.
I waited on the Lord, we both hung in there, and decided to ignore the messages of the world, and we got through our rough spot that seemed like it never would end. Love will grow deeper with time in a marriage when you go through times like this. I prayed to God directly to save our marriage and not let divorce happen. God did answer this prayer. We have grown closer over the last few years.
I don't believe in people being treated like disposable Kleenex's tossed in the trash. That's how many relationships are today, tossed over board, they go through relationships as fast as they change outfits. Marriage has eroded away. The cultural warriors are right about some of those aspects they warn about.
My marriage over-all has been a happy one even with the extreme blows of life and we love each other. So on the marriage front, marriage for me has been a blessing in my life. However for some it has not gone that way. We should have mercy for those who have not had it go the right way.
One thing I have noticed however in the church world, is there seems to be a lot of cruelty towards the divorced and mean judgments towards anyone struggling in a marriage. The cookie-cutter "Christian" world seems really centered on this idea of marriages of Step-ford wife like people. With all the idolization of families, everyone who is married is expected to show this perfect relationship and perfect family life. Well life is a bit more messy then that.
I always have said to people that too much is put on romantic relationships in our society. Friendship gets ignored. Sex is so focused on, that the other aspects of marriage are ignored. Young people are told they are not complete until they find the "one" and this isn't God, but a partner that supposedly will come to solve all their problems and make all their dreams come true. This sets people up for marriage failure. This gives them false expectations of human beings who come with their own baggage.
I noticed this in the Catholic world when I was still in the Catholic church. Growing up divorced people were seen automatically as lesser. They seemed relegated to the back of the church if they came at all. This probably has lessened with the years, but I have seen the mentalities in other churches, where divorced people are seen as "marked", "sinful" people. In some church settings to admit any martial problems is to be named a pariah.
I remember all the tongues wagging when one aunt got divorced and how horrific it all was. It seemed they blamed her even though her husband started having an affair and LEFT her to move in with the other woman. I noticed this with some horror, how even the innocent parties in divorces where the wife had stayed ever faithful, seemed to be blamed for a man leaving or straying or divorcing a woman. We see this happening with the Duggar saga and Anna Duggar, especially with the pastor of their church Ronnie Floyd implying Anna Duggar was to blame. Did you know Ronnie Floyd was the current president of the Southern Baptist Convention?
His false teaching was astounding....
"However, Floyd warned, if a husband or wife fails to keep his or her partner happy sexually they are opening themselves "up to the attack of the enemy.
"And that enemy is going to take your spouse away from you," he said.
"Both men and woman have their sexual needs met by someone, somewhere, somehow."
It's all about defending the wicked and their desires in the flesh. That sounds like the end road to all those church sermons focusing on sex with the two set of feet under the sheets. And this is the man now in charge of the SBC!
You know there is a real hatred of women, that is being pushed on the "right", and all this patriarchy garbage is now infused into the Christian mainstream. Remember when it comes to the patriarchy types, it's always the woman's fault if a marriage fails. Such types will ruin what marriage was meant to be. They will turn it into a contract of life-long servitude instead of having anything to do with love or God. They will be helpers in the NWO plan to destroy personal relationships and love and attachment between people.
Here they will turn to the divorce and skew things there too.
It is like divorce is a red scarlet letter to be slapped on the front of divorced people in the evangelical churches. A big "D" to mark the people as having less then a perfect family life. Forgotten is that in many cases people give a marriage their all, but the other party checks out. It takes two to be married. Not every divorced person necessarily sinned especially if they were someone who was left behind.
This seemed so extreme to me in the independent fundamentalist Baptist world, that I noticed within two churches I attended, I only met two divorced people. Some would say there are less divorced fundamentalist Christians but the numbers seemed very low. One thing I have always seen in churches is how families dominate and even single adults and childless people seem rare as Dodo birds. Why is that? Because they don't fit a cookie cutter model?
Divorce is hated by God so it should be the absolute last resort but it does happen. There are biblical foundations for divorce. Matthew 5:32 and Matt 19:19 mention sexual immortality or fornication as a cause for divorce. This doesn't mean reconciliation shouldn't be attempted but it seems to me to be a clear biblical foundation that there are times divorce will happen when one spouse cheats. Many cheaters simply leave. Should there be blame for the innocent parties in those broken up couples? The one who cheats and remarries remains an adulterer. 1 Corinthians 7 outlines some of the biblical foundations for divorce especially when someone is married to a non-believer who abandons them. They are told they are no longer in bondage.
1 Corinthians 7:10–16
There is some Pharisee like thinking in the churches. There is no understanding even for the divorced person who may have had an unbeliever leave or divorce them over their faith. Obviously you can tell by now I do not agree with the Christians who deny there are biblical precepts for divorce. I do not think someone is required to remain married to an adulterer. Often the adulterers already have their foot out the door, anyway and the spouse will be abandoned. Would some Pharisees say that a Christians is still in bondage after being left by an adulterer?
Divorce should be the last resort. Christians should seek reconciliation. Yes even Anna Duggar should seek it, if at all possible. [script or no script] If there is a spark of conscience left in her spouse, she will soon know. I don't have much hope for this, but there you go. This doesn't mean sit blindly by and accept abuse and adultery. Sadly the cult system she is in will help make sure Josh does not come to any true repentance if he has any conscience left to do so. It will tell her that she is at fault and that she is wicked if she desire to draw boundaries. Even there scripture has made provisions for a spouse to depart from a toxic situation in 1 Cor. 7:10-11.
Now I had a commenter write something that disturbed me the other day. I want to talk about this in detail because this is something bothering me more and more.
"A wife must submit to her husband, even if he is a wicked man. As long as her submission doesn't require her to sin. A husband must love his wife, even if she is wicked and undeserving of his love and care. Remember Hosea?"
I do not agree with either stance. I believe God does NOT want us to submit to the wicked whatsoever. If a spouse sins that is different, we all have our own sins to contend with but to submit to evil is to enable it. Even in 1 Cor 7 10-11, it discusses those who must depart. God does not mandate submitting to wicked people or reprobates. Here is a place where the whole counsel of God needs to be adhered to. Those who do not draw boundaries or make stands against evil, actually give evil more of a place. A woman not standing against a wicked man who is abusing her children, is enabling that evil. A man allowing a sociopathic woman to abuse his children, is also enabling evil. Somewhere people got the idea that Christians are supposed to be doormats to the wicked. Turn the other cheek does not mean help the wicked commit more sins.
Along with the Pharisees condemning the divorced even in the case of the innocent parties, we have the Pharisees mandating more abuse in the church system. Sociopaths and narcissists--aka reprobates and the fully wicked, are given carte blanche permission to create a swath of destruction as Christian people are told to step aside and give them a place. Yes this would include a wicked spouse where no boundaries are drawn. Telling a woman she must submit to a husband no matter how wicked, is the same as when the Catholics wrote that someone must submit to a Pope no matter how wicked. It is authoritarianism born out of the gate of hell. When women especially are told to submit to evil in Christianity it is something that awards the wicked, it gives them power.
This is where the patriarchy movement has created the enabling of evil within Christianity. This is why the churches basically have absolutely failed when it comes to domestic abuse and abuse of children. Have any of you ever wonder why abuse is so rife in religious circles?
This may offend some here, but I do not believe women are forced to stay with an abuser, nor are they to submit to the wicked. Victims of abuse are told if they become more meek and mild that they will change their abusers. That isn't how it works. If anything it will make their abusers more bold and wicked. Many abusers of women and children are reprobates. I believe the sexual abusers definitely are in most cases. This is one way society sets up a cage for the victims of abuse and sadly most of the churches support it. The patriarchy movement is more about power then any love of God or doing what is right in His eyes. Those who desire power are the sociopaths and they want gas-lighted victims who believe that standing up for their own lives and for good is "wrong".
There are so many people abused in cults. We see how men have abused power in Quiverful. Josh Duggar was created via a system that teaches women they are to submit mindlessly. Have you ever wondered why this cult was chosen as an example to show the world what the powers that be wanted to define Christianity by? They choose it on purpose because it advances power hierarchies they desire to enforce on people in different guises. Satanists hate women, and it's more then obvious.
In way this mindless submission born out of legalism creates monsters because there is an extreme power imbalance and lack of accountability. It's the same thing in FLDS as an example of a cult where perversion ruled and they told women especially they were to submit to wicked men to the point the entire system supported a man like Warren Jeffs who preyed on their children.
I believe the whole counsel of God is to be adhered to. So the edicts to depart from the wicked are to be ignored? So when we read about the unclean in the Bible and to separate from them none of that is to be applied?
Numbers 16:26 And he spake unto the congregation, saying, Depart, I pray you from the tents of these wicked man and touch nothing of theirs, lest you be consumed in all their sins.
The church system is failing when it comes to domestic abuse and the abuse of children. One of the reasons is because so many of the victims are told to submit and enable evil. False candy-eyed visions of the wicked are handed out to people leaving them more vulnerable as prey to absolute sociopaths. People sitting in the pews are told to hug vampires. The Bible says get away from them. I left wicked people behind, and have talked about it. This was not a marital relationship but others. Some would be horrified asking me, "How dare you?" but I was mandated by God to walk and not tolerate their wickedness.
It makes me sick when I see absolutely battered wives told they must submit more and they are victims because they "did something" wrong. I knew this battered wife, where her husband did full blown sociopathic beatings and threats to her life, told by a false church that she needed to submit more. I wanted to throw up. She eventually got away and told me she hated Christianity. I probably have been her only link to showing her what Jesus Christ really taught and it wasn't that.
Many within the churches claim that people are to "forgive" everyone in the same way. Forgiveness is necessary and mandated by God but there is a difference between those we forgive and reconcile with, and those we forgive and depart from when there has been no repentance. The latter forgiveness requires obeying God and not seeking retribution.
There is too much enabling of evil in the church system. The whole counsel of God requires that evil is stood against. Yes we want reconciliation even within marriage as often as is possible but to demand that women submit to wicked men is not the will of God. There are many using such powers to abuse others, and letting the conscienceless prey on the innocent and vulnerable. Sadly when it comes to marriage, many Pharisees blame the victims and demand they submit to wickedness.