I made another attempt to find Christian fellowship and it has failed.
I visited this one church for a short time that was a "fundamentalist" -KJV using very small church, but as I found out it was caught in the same matrix I warn about on this blog. I don't expect perfection, but as things added up I got worried. It is always a disappointment. Why is there so much complete and utter SAMENESS?
So there is no choice but to clear out. It just is not going to work. Unless I move, I have exhausted all spiritual avenues, and yes I have looked for house churches too. I will spend time reading the Bible and in prayer on my own.
Do any of you here tire of the mainstream Christian world? Honestly the whole show-time of it all if I did not have firm roots in the faith, they would have been ripped out. I know some who have entered the church world and left Christianity all together based on what they experienced. The religion world can be a nightmare.
Some of my readers may be okay in the independent KJV or IFB world or other independents but it's not working for me. My one good IFB from years ago I was able to talk to others about what I believed and warn of things. I could be "me", this new place that wasn't so true. I know no church situation is perfect but there is a point where the errors are so deep, you have to depart especially if you feel things have stayed so superficial all you can talk about is the weather even after multiple visits. Pretrib Rapture? Celebration of Christmas with some church members? Christian Zionism--that one wasn't so apparent at first but came to light later. Am I being too picky? I don't think so. Even the independent fundamentalist churches have become like McDonalds in their utter sameness among the small and large.
I saw some NWO expose board that posted "Get a new pastor if he is not New World Order aware" and it made me laugh. I would pass out if I ever met a church pastor, who was New World Order aware or dared to say it. With one old pastor, I was able to wake him up to a "few things" but he still supports Ted Cruz. Of course knowing every conspiracy doesn't make one saved and a bunch of those people exposing could be disinfo, but you wonder when you see so few that break from the mold. There is this picture of the American Christian, they all want to match. Cultural precepts that have little and nothing to do with scripture. The Duggars were just some of the toxic candy coating on a world that expects complete conformity.
I even told this pastor I believed in the new world order and he didn't flinch, and thought I got one who was more spiritually aware but I was wrong. He even told me the Pope is the Vicar of hell and we know that is rare alone.. Some of his sermons were pretty good, he was against the ecumenical movement and other things he was on spot but the praises for Ronald Reagan and veterans fighting for "our freedom" in the Middle East, made it clear things were pretty off. At least in this church they avoided the displays of jet planes but they spoke of the Middle Eastern wars in a positive way even though members of the church had been over there as soldiers, they still haven't woken up, and that worries me.
When I told him of the NWO, he may have simply been smiled and nodded probably thinking inside "What a nut"! It's weird even Facebook is splattered in NWO exposing pages, [yes some are probably disinfo], and there are websites all over the place exposing the nitty-gritty, these people must all live under a rock, spouting off the Bush-era lies and Republican party brainwashing. Should I tell him and others why I am leaving?
I am going to have to accept, I'm really out there on my own save for God and a few others who have left the church system completely. I'll walk with Jesus Christ, and well as people try to falsely guilt me into forsaking assembly, I have to follow Him and my conscience. They don't know how I have wrestled with these issues for years.
The so called "proper" people aren't ready to embrace someone who is truly independent thinking into their circles. Money runs a lot of these showtimes too and if you don't have enough, then you know how that goes. One can almost tell which families are donating the most to the church. That's not the way it should work. If a church does nothing for the poor, or doesn't ever meet together for open discussions that aren't pastor directed something is wrong. Further into my visits there was more discussions of tithing and more. I am even considering moving because I live in an very affluent area next to a very impoverished dangerous area and the community just doesn't seem right for me. So please pray for me in making the right decisions.
Sometimes you talk yourself into thinking that you can be a voice of truth or even help others, but you also realize there's so much to wade through. There is a world of Christianity out there, that is making me ill. Certainly after years of writing this blog, some of you know what I am talking about. I'm not a perfect Christian either, and my loneliness in Christian fellowship, outside the Internet, has been a very hard thing to take. I hope this doesn't sound mean but in the churches I feel like I meet a succession of pod people who have had easy lives and believe the same things and who I horrify every time I open my mouth. They seem utterly conformist. In fact one thing non-believers say to me, is how "Christians" seem to resemble pod people and what can I say to argue with them?
I feel like a lot of people out there are more interested in "appearing good" and that is what religion has become. I have lost friends for my beliefs. One kept pressuring me to attend her Lutheran church and I finally said, that is never going to happen. Even mild beliefs, have had people turn and walk. I wasn't rude and heard people out but I am paying for not conforming. I want real people around me not narcissists using religion to appear more "holy" and "better then others". God help me if I ever become one of those people spouting off a whole bunch of list of rules expecting everyone have a white picket fence lifestyle to be acceptable.
Yes I will admit I got lonely and thought that having no Christians around me on a local basis may be a bad idea. Being sick not having anyone to pray with you is not a good thing. Some women in the area, kept telling me that being the lone on my own Christian was a path to spiritual destruction. One local lady I am no longer friends with, got outraged by my beliefs, that she sought to censor. With that one I didn't lay on any of the thick and heavy stuff, but beginning introduction things, only to be told not to talk about it anymore.
Outside of the Calvary Chapel I attended for a short time and left, I have been looking at 8 and half years without any formal or informal Christian fellowship in real life and I made this other attempt that failed. I went on a 60 mile round trip to find one church. I googled home fellowships online and found only an SDA and Hebrew Roots offshoot. This has been tough. I am praying to God about what to do. I feel I have to obey Him and clear out. Be careful out there. I know probably others reading here have been down this road too. The entire church system in my opinion has gone rotten. Perhaps some of you have found a gem here and there, but I know I don't belong and don't fit where I am at.
I had one person tell me, "People go to church all the time and don't agree with the pastor or what the church teaches and they told me "I am 'too rigid' and 'isolating" myself", but I can't sit in some place where I can't even talk about anything and I am told things I know are WRONG.
More Discussion Regarding Those Without A "Church".