With the recent Duggar family happenings such as Jill and Derek Dillard marrying, I found myself wondering recently if the marriages had been semi-arranged. Years ago on this blog, because of the lifestyle of the Duggars, I wrote that arranged marriage or perhaps in this case semi-arranged marriages may be the Quiverful way of the future. Otherwise how do daughters who do not have any opportunity to meet young men become married? I know some cultures arrange marriages, some of these matchings can even come out positive if the couple learns to work together but it is not the norm. Something did seem different from the usual American culture way of falling in love to marry someone.
One thing is very telling about how they met, in that Jill states at the 32 second mark of this video, "I think I am in love with somebody I have never met". When the two meet in Nepal, it is obvious via the body language they barely know each other. They are meeting to see if a match is possible. Mr. Duggar does allow Jill to approve or disapprove of Derek as a future suitor, so her input is part of this but over all, it is an arranged pairing in my opinion.
In some ways this comes as a relief, in that the Duggar daughters will be able to get their own lives and children outside of being perpetual maids and housecleaners for their mother but ask yourself how your life would have gone if your parents held so much of the responsibility of choosing your future spouse? Those with kind parents certainly would do far better then those with wicked parents who do not desire the best for their adult children.
While this match up seems to have ended in a very positive fashion, they seem far more in love then Jessa and her new suitor, these were not two people who "knew" other before hand. It was said that Derek Dillard, was her father's prayer partner, so they decided to meet on Skype while he did missionary work in Nepal. Basically Mr. Duggar took on the job of going out to find husbands for his daughters. This much is obvious. He had to have seen some of the talk online of their pending spinisterhood.
The video continues with them meeting in Nepal to decide on courting. One can tell via the body language these are two who know each other very little. They are near strangers to each other. How well could they have gotten to know each other via the extreme heavy hand of the parents listening in on every Skype conversation over their over 18 year old daughter?
How did Jessa meet Ben?
Mr. Duggar got them together too if you read this on the Duggar [tlc] website. Google "How Jessa Met Ben":
"We met Ben when his family came to visit our church. Afterwards we invited their family over to our home for fellowship, as we often do with guests to our church. I think Ben spotted Jess, but he didn’t go up to her then. We’d met Ben’s parents years ago when we were in the Little Rock area while Jim Bob was serving in the legislature. We visited a church that they attended, so we did know their family in a roundabout way, just a distant friendship.
During fellowship at our home, Ben and Jim Bob would often sit with the guys and talk about doctrine and the Bible. At one point, Jim Bob said to Ben, "You know, you’ve been bringing up a lot of these truths from the scripture. This is a topic that we’ve actually been talking about in our home and Jessa has really been studying this very thing. You guys would probably enjoy talking about it. So why don’t you text her?"
It’s so funny. Jim Bob was the initiator. I don’t know if Jim Bob even knew that Ben was really interested in her, but he had already spotted Jessa. They started texting and talking about these scriptures and things just took off.
A few of our girls have had men come up to them and ask for their phone numbers. And our daughters have always explained to them that if anybody asked for their phone numbers, they would tell them to ask their dad. Then they would give them Jim Bob’s phone number. Sometimes the guy would never call and other times they would, but the girls would quickly let Jim Bob know if there was an interest on their part. Jim Bob is the “no” man."Obviously if you are a young women in Jessa's position you may consider that marriage is the ticket to your own adult life. For newbies, remember that for the Duggar girls, they must be married to leave home and in the Quiverful/Bill Gothard system remain under the headship of their father for life if they never marry. A woman in that position is going to jump at any chance she can get.
I wonder why Mr. Duggar hasn't found a husband for Jana Duggar yet? I feel sorry for that young lady, her face looks sadder and sadder.