Sunday, July 14, 2013

"Unmarried": The Dominionist, Patriarchial Movie on Marriage

The Rise of Singleness


[I was not able to embed it.]

Is everyone meant to marry? I married "late" [age 29] but have friends who remain unmarried into their 40s and even a 60 something friend who never married.

Ever been in a church as a single person where you did not fit in? Where you were seen as a lesser? When I was in the Catholic church for a short time after leaving the UUs before I was born again, I was already married, but could tell that that those who were childless or single just didn't fit.

I have seen other churches like this. You either are part of your own nuclear family or you remain apart from the church "family". This is wrong. In fact one sign to me of a decent church is one that embraces all believers no matter their martial status, or whether they are part of a couple or family or not. In fact one thing new believers may face is if they try to join long established churches, while they may be the only one in their family who is a Christian, the church is so family focused and tradition focused they already feel like an "outsider". Many of these sort of churches make any singles especially ones who are on their own from any relatives, feel like "outcasts".

This movie sounds like more of the Dominionist, Vision Forum influenced, Family Integration movement nonsense.

UnMarried Movie: Is Staying Single Sabotaging Christianity?

Man #1: This is the fundamental problem of our social systems. It is a fundamental problem with our churches a fundamental problem with education systems and it will yield severe, severe, socio-economic problems in years to come.

Man #2: We’re losing the vision. Wer’e losing the very thing - God began a unique work in the midst of this movement and we’re losing it.

Man #1: If we don’t address this issue, we’re done. There is no future for the family. There’s no future for the church. There is no future for our Nation.

The group doing this movie is called Family Vision Films The man in the film and behind it, is Kevin Swanson, Colorado pastor, of Generations Radio who has done interviews with STAY AT HOME DAUGHTERS the Botkin Sisters, who by the way still remain unmarried into their early 30s. He has ties to homeschooling, remember when I warned about the Dominionists who were working through the Homeschool movement?

What is funny about all this is many are noticing within the Vision Forum, Quiverful, Patriarchy world, that many young people are NOT marrying. This has been referred to as the so called "Courtship" crisis. I wrote long ago, that severe isolation for young people especially young women, does not lead to opportunities for marriage especially if you are part of the modern world. Even the Amish know they have to allow sing-ins and courtship opportunities for their young people, something the Patriarchy, Vision Forum crowd seems to have ignored.

But one MAJOR factor ignored in this movie, is economic. Young people especially young men are not getting jobs that can support families even if they manage to get through college. Flipping burgers at McDonalds is not going to pay for a wife and three young children. Even my own generation delayed marriage due to economic pressures and this has only grown far worse as the American economy has imploded and the middle class has been stripped.

Sure are there moral factors to the devaluement of marriage? Yes add in premartial sex, fornication, the throwaway mindset when it comes to relationships, but one large factor is economic.

If one does not have "adult money", they are not going to live as an "adult" and if you are barely feeding yourself, scrapping by out of rented rooms and eating nothing but ramen noodles, marriage gets pushed to the back of the line.

For the Patriarchy crowd, who are not allowing their young women to become educated and have odd rules such as keeping young men under a father's headship telling them they cannot have their own homes as single men, instead of breaking out on their own and becoming their own man, maybe they should pay attention to some deficients in that system as to why their children are not marrying. If you over-shelter young people, and do not allow them to grow up, marriage will go by the wayside. Also if you have this 'society' that is fully integrated into the "modern" world that provides no alternative opportunities, but then some how your adult daughter or son, is supposed to get at least a middle class job, to make a living to marry and have a large family, it is simply not going to work.

This is the main reason most of the Duggar adult children exept for one have not married. When would the young daughters who are always accompanied by a chaperone supposed to meet a future mate? When would the young JD who is not allowed to leave home even though he makes good money supposed to meet a wife?

The patriarchial form of courtship does not work in modern America, it did work in small agrarian communities, which is probably why the Amish are not having a "courtship" or marriage crisis or that our grandmothers who grew up in farms were able to marry.  What is sad about this Unmarried documentary is it seems to shame the young people who are bogged down by a system that won't work, instead of facing the facts. Will things progress one day to "arranged" marriages? Even very conservative Orthodox Jews and the polygamous Fundamentalist Mormons have gone that route.

Look at these questionaires...on the Unmarried movie website.

Also in the old days, one found a marriage partner, someone who surely loved and were compatible with, but there wasn't all this baggage about finding someone PERFECT.  Even normal people out in the world have a difficult time finding a mate. Even when I was not saved, I was more "conservative" when it came to dating, and that basically made 80% of the men who lived more freewheeling lifestyles unsuitable. By the way, I was called an "old maid" by my Catholic family and remember the pressures that befell me in not finding a husband "early" enough .

Out there in the Dominionist Christian world, there is some weird stuff happening with marriage. Here a girl pursues the courtship model even against her parents wishes who are not part of the same Christian beliefs. Her own father makes a good point about her being mature enough to choose her own mate. Things get weird when she chooses "spiritual parents" for her courtship. Where is that in the Bible?

One thing I have noticed is how many non-biblical myths have been embraced, almost like instead of reading Bible verses on love, they watched too many Disney movies on princesses, and have an over-romanticized view of life and marriage itself. Some seem caught up in a fairy-tale view of life where instead of trust in God, there is more trust in this process.

But that said, there is something unseemingly about all this. Remember when I wrote about the IDOLATRY of the FAMILY in Dominionist circles? Well add idolatry here too. Why focus on marriage as the end all and be all if the Bible says this?

1 Cor 7: 8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.

9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

Would they have condemned Paul for never having married?

One thing I have told people that is wrong with our culture is that we have entire media system and world saying one's romantic relationship is everything. Notice the number of love songs? Young people are told that they are only worthwhile if they find a great mate. What about one's relationship with God? What about those called to the single life even in service to God?


Anonymous said...

The debate with Paul is that, as a member of the sanhedrin, he probably would have been married, and that wife would have abandoned him due to his faith in Jesus and her lack of faith. Of course that is all speculation. We know that Paul could have married, if he wanted to (1 Corinthians 9:5).

Paul also said it is better to remain single, but that such is not a requirement either way (1 Corinthians 7:7). Pastors are all assumed to be married, so being married doesn't stop the person from serving the Lord (1 Timothy 3:2).

The idea that you have to be "economically viable" before marriage, is foolishness. That mentality is a product of the fallen sinful world system that teaches you to make all your decisions based on the almighty dollar. Truly in God's ways, if you want to be married, be married. There's nothing to wait for.

And if you don't want to be married, then don't. Those churches that exalt the physical temporal family above the TRUE Family (which is the family of God), do err.

Seek But Don't Hide said...

One other issue with dominionists is that they seem to be trying to live in a different time then we're actually living. They seem to try to live their ideal version of the nineteenth century. That just doesn't work in this time (the last days). Things are hard right now financially and otherwise and they will not get easier.

Bible Believer said...

It is possible Paul was married at one time and a widower or an had an unbelieving wife that departed. You are right he could have married. I guess my point is why force marriage so strongly if the Bible itself gives a place to those who remain single?

With the "economic viability" I agree about not basing decisions on the mighty dollar, but I do believe the economy is influencing the lowering marriage rates in this sinful world. Sadly with young men that never get decent jobs to support a wife or family, that doesn't stop them from sin and having babies out of wedlock, or a series of "girlfriends". One thing I have noticed is many young people don't even seem to care about marriage, it was happening in my old rural town, they would have children but flit from one mate to another, and never marry. A few would marry but had no Christian beliefs about divorce, knowing people who had been divorced twice by the age of 25 was a bit scary but those with 2 or 3 children by different girlfriends was not unknown.

I agree about those churches that exalt the physical temporal family above the true family of God. Those are tough places especially for the Christian like myself who has been set solitary in an unbelieving family, usually it's best to leave, and find a place that believes in the true family of God.

Bible Believer said...

I agree about the Dominionists especially the Quiverful/Vision Forum etc types trying to live in the 19th century. The ones who at least move their families to very rural areas, may have some more sense and the ability to live the "lifestyle": but even there if you are surrounded by those living in the "modern world", whose going to marry your daughters you never let leave the house? Even small and rural towns behind the times are having the modern world encroach.

I've known a few of these families and while some of the more fortunate ones, have home-school circles to socialize with most are very isolated. One thing too with Agenda 21 and more, they are working on destroying livelihoods that were able to keep people in more rural areas. I fear their adult children are not being prepared whatsoever for the "real world". The sheltering is one of the worse things to be done to them instead of getting them strong and ready as young Christians to deal with a wicked world.

The Amish system is more viable, in that they work with each other, but even there many of their young men have had to enter the mainstream workworld-factories etc due to the shortage of land and limitations on farming. With isolated Quiverful/Vision Forum, Patriarchy families, the system is not viable. A few have churches where they are around each other, but even then most I knew were attending churches even that did not share all their beliefs--I knew two families following this lifestyle that attended a Calvary Chapel though one later switched to a mainstream baptist church that leaned towards Calvinism. How are their daughters going to "court" when they are living in the suburbs surrounded by the modern world. Even finding fellow "Christians" will be tough enough for them nonetheless any wanting to live like its 1850. The parents in this case had modern educations and jobs and were not farmers. I am not sure how that will work but don't see it working for long. To me its like a fad that will die out especially once reality comes crashing in the door. If anything "Christians" are very scattered now. [we know this is true of Bible believing ones in general]

I do see them deciding to move towards "arranged" marriages in their movement eventually. Especially when many of their adult daughters never marry, they will either fix the problem [not that I agree with this] or their movement will "die out".

Someone who knows said...

You have incorrect information in your post. Have you even seen the film? Should a review be posted prior to actually viewing all 120 minutes? I think not.

inchrist83 said...

Though I agree that there was for some time in some circles, an almost idolatry of the "family unit". "Focus on the family" phrase sounds nice. But how about Focusing on Christ and then your family... out of your relationship with Him. I am sure you agree. Also, I have seen several Christian families whom God blessed with homeschooling without a quote "dominist perspective" (whatever your definition of that is)... where the husbands are loving and respectful and pray with and discuss most things with their wives before most decisions and sometimes doing a Divine Team of the married couple joining together to seek God and practice their faith and gifts together.

Bible Believer said...

There is definitely an idolatry of families out there. I realize the church I even just left advertised itself as "family-friendly" which meant really child-less and unmarried need not apply. Many lose their families in focusing on Christ. Jesus Christ speaks of division from families. Yes there are some good couples where the man treats his wife as Christ loved the church.